I used to tell myself I wasn't a "numbers person." For years, this single belief kept me from pursuing opportunities that involved any kind of financial analysis or data work. Looking back now, I realize how much that one thought cost me—not just in career opportunities, but in how small I kept my world.

That's the thing about limiting beliefs. They're sneaky. They sound so reasonable, so much like facts, that we don't even question them. But they're not facts at all. They're just stories we've been telling ourselves for so long that we've forgotten they're stories.

The Beliefs That Keep Us Stuck

We all carry around beliefs that don't serve us. Maybe yours sounds like "I'm not creative" or "I'm terrible at public speaking" or "I'll never be able to start my own business." These thoughts feel true because we've gathered plenty of evidence to support them over the years.

Here's what I've learned: our brains are really good at finding evidence for whatever we already believe. Tell yourself you're bad at making friends, and you'll remember every awkward conversation while conveniently forgetting the good ones. Convince yourself you're not smart enough, and you'll focus on your mistakes while dismissing your successes.

It's like wearing glasses with a specific tint—everything you see gets colored by that lens. And most of us have been wearing these glasses for so long, we don't even realize they're there.

Where This Stuff Comes From

Nobody's born thinking they're not good enough. We learn this nonsense.

Maybe your third-grade teacher made an offhand comment about your math skills. Maybe your parents constantly worried about money, and you absorbed the idea that there's never enough. Maybe you failed at something once, and your brain decided that meant you'd fail at everything similar forever.

I remember my mom always saying she was "directionally challenged"—couldn't read a map, always got lost. Guess what? I told myself the same story for decades. Turns out, I'm perfectly capable of navigation when I actually try instead of just accepting that limitation as some kind of genetic inheritance.

Our families, schools, friends, the media we consume—they all plant seeds. Some grow into beliefs that help us. Others? Not so much. The tricky part is that by the time we're adults, we can't always remember where these beliefs came from. They just feel like part of who we are.

The Real Cost of Playing Small

Let me be blunt: limiting beliefs are expensive. Not always in money (though sometimes that too), but in the life you're not living.

Think about the job you didn't apply for because you convinced yourself you weren't qualified. The relationship you didn't pursue because you assumed rejection. The creative project you never started because you decided in advance it wouldn't be good enough.

All those experiences? Gone. Not because you actually failed, but because you never tried.

I spent my twenties playing it safe, taking jobs that were "realistic" instead of pursuing what actually excited me. Why? Because I believed that people from my background didn't get to do interesting work. We got stable jobs with benefits and called ourselves lucky.

It took hitting a breaking point—that moment where the pain of staying the same finally exceeded the fear of change—before I was willing to question that belief. And once I did? Everything shifted.

Getting Honest About Your Own BS

You can't change what you can't see. So the first step is getting brutally honest about the stories you're telling yourself.

Here's a simple exercise: Think about an area of your life where you feel stuck. Now finish this sentence: "I can't _______ because _______."

Whatever comes after "because" is probably a limiting belief. Write down a few of these. Don't judge them, just notice them.

For me, some of mine were:

• "I can't start a business because I don't know enough about marketing."
• "I can't speak up in meetings because nobody wants to hear what I have to say."
• "I can't try that new hobby because I'm too old to be a beginner."

See how they all sound so reasonable? That's what makes them dangerous. They're lies dressed up as logic.

Pay attention to the words you use about yourself too. "I'm just not good at..." "I've never been able to..." "I'm not the type of person who..." These phrases are red flags. They're signs you've turned temporary setbacks or limited experiences into permanent identity statements.

Questioning the Stories

Once you've identified a limiting belief, it's time to interrogate it like a detective would.

Is this actually true, or does it just feel true? What evidence do I have? Am I cherry-picking examples that support this belief while ignoring ones that contradict it?

Let's take my old belief that I wasn't a numbers person. Was there actual evidence? Well, I struggled in math class in high school. Okay. Does struggling at age 15 mean I'm incapable at 35? Not really. Have I ever successfully worked with numbers? Yeah, I managed my own budget, calculated tips, compared prices while shopping. Hmm.

When you start poking holes in your limiting beliefs, they usually don't hold up well under scrutiny.

Another powerful question: Would I say this to a friend? If your best friend told you they couldn't do something, would you agree and tell them to give up? Probably not. You'd probably encourage them, remind them of their strengths, tell them to try anyway. Why not give yourself that same courtesy?

Small Shifts, Big Changes

You don't have to completely transform your entire belief system overnight. In fact, trying to do that usually backfires. Instead, start small.

Pick one limiting belief—maybe not even your biggest one. Just one that's been bugging you. Now ask yourself: what would I do differently if I didn't believe this?

If you didn't believe you were bad at meeting new people, maybe you'd say yes to that networking event. If you didn't believe you were too old to change careers, maybe you'd research that training program you've been curious about.

Then—and this is the important part—do that thing. Just once. See what happens.

I'm not saying it'll be comfortable. It probably won't be. That limiting belief exists partly because staying in your comfort zone feels safe. But safe and fulfilling are not the same thing.

When I finally applied for a job that involved data analysis—the thing I'd convinced myself I couldn't do—I was terrified. But you know what? I figured it out. Was I the best at it immediately? No. Did I survive and eventually get decent at it? Yes. And that experience taught me something way more valuable than spreadsheet skills: my beliefs about myself were not facts.

Rewriting Your Internal Script

Our brains are habit machines. You've been thinking these limiting thoughts for years, which means the neural pathways are well-worn. Creating new ones takes repetition.

This isn't about lying to yourself with fake positive affirmations. Telling yourself "I'm amazing at everything!" when you don't believe it won't work. Your brain will just roll its eyes at you.

Instead, try something more like bridge thoughts—statements that feel believable while pointing you in a better direction.

Instead of "I'm terrible at public speaking" → "I'm learning to get more comfortable speaking in front of others."

Instead of "I'll never be successful" → "I'm figuring out what success means to me and taking steps toward it."

Instead of "Nobody wants to hear what I have to say" → "My perspective has value, even if not everyone relates to it."

See the difference? These aren't fantasy statements. They're honest assessments that leave room for growth.

The Daily Practice

Changing beliefs isn't a one-time thing. It's more like brushing your teeth—you've got to do it regularly.

I keep a running note on my phone where I write down evidence against my old limiting beliefs. Gave a presentation and didn't totally bomb it? That goes in the note. Figured out a problem I thought was too complex? In the note. Had a good conversation with a stranger? You guessed it—note.

This isn't about being narcissistic. It's about balancing the negativity bias our brains naturally have. We remember criticism and failures more vividly than compliments and successes. Keeping track of contradictory evidence helps level the playing field.

I also check in with myself when I notice I'm procrastinating or avoiding something. Usually, there's a limiting belief lurking underneath. "What am I making this mean about me?" is a question I ask a lot now.

When Old Patterns Show Up Again

Fair warning: you're going to have setbacks. You'll be cruising along with your new, empowering beliefs, and then something will happen—stress at work, a relationship issue, a random Tuesday—and boom, there's your old limiting belief, back like an unwanted houseguest.

This is normal. Those old neural pathways don't disappear. They just become less dominant over time.

The difference now is that you'll catch yourself faster. You'll notice the old thought, recognize it for what it is, and choose differently. Sometimes that'll take a minute. Other times you might spiral for a day before you remember. That's okay. Progress, not perfection.

I still occasionally hear that voice telling me I'm not qualified or smart enough or whatever. But now, instead of accepting it as truth, I'm like, "Oh hey, there's that old story again." I acknowledge it and move on. It's lost its power because I no longer believe it's giving me accurate information about reality.

What Changes When You Change Your Beliefs

This work has ripple effects you can't predict. Shift one belief, and it touches everything.

When I stopped believing I had to play small and stay in my lane, my career trajectory completely changed. But so did my relationships. So did my willingness to try new things. So did my overall happiness.

You start showing up differently. Other people notice, even if they can't articulate what's different about you. Opportunities appear that wouldn't have before—partly because they weren't there, but mostly because you're finally able to see them.

The person you become when you're not constantly held back by limiting beliefs? That person is already inside you. You're not creating someone new. You're removing the obstacles that have been blocking who you actually are.